


disavowal

by orphan_account



Category: Everyman HYBRID
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Incest, Sexual Abuse, basically my kin trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 10:24:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12252450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: vinny always feels so bad on the inside, like he's nothing more than self-hate & anxiety. normal people don't feel this way, & it's with a crushing reluctance which he lets himself acknowledge that he is not a normal person. nobody gets that bad for no reason.he knows why he is the way he is...





	disavowal

**Author's Note:**

> before the story starts, i'd just like to say that this is probably going to be really bad for anyone who's triggered by abuse; especially sexual. i know this topic is gruesome, i know i shouldn't be writing it? but this is mostly a vent for me, & sort of a retelling of what happened to me in my vin canon. if you still plan on reading, just remember to take the topic seriously. thank you. <3

the sun was setting the first time it happened.

he was young, at the time, but he knew with utmost certainty that he'd never forget every details of the evening's horrors - & he never did. up to this unfortunate turning point, the six years that made of his life had all been good ones. the boy was fatherless, & a single child, for his mother's husband abandoned her before he'd been born & she had sworn to herself that she would never love again. (she didn't reveal this to him until he was older, & he didn't know any of it at this point.) but the woman, despite being relatively young for a mother, had done everything she could to make her son happy. a bright future led on by her sharpness alone was thrown away, so she could care for the child which she had rather foolishly decided to keep. martyred by the abandonment of her lover, she had dropped out of college, gotten the highest-paying part time job that she could find. it wasn't for herself, but for her child. if it weren't for him, she would have her family, & a husband, & she would have a degree. but, in elizabeth everyman's eyes, vincent had always come first.

now, the boy hadn't asked to be born. he had never done anything malicious, & he was a rather nice kid. very outgoing, simply lovable, & the ideal son. not even the perfect child means much in such a situation. unbeknownst to him, that happy face that his mother always wore was only a mask. it's true that she adored him, the only child she would ever had, but love wasn't worth shit in reality. it didn't help anyone, it didn't save them from the crappy life that they lived. vinny didn't know anything better than this, because this was all he'd ever had. elizabeth, on the other hand, had grown up with all kinds of money, born with a silver spoon in her mouth. she wasn't used to struggling this hard to survive, & it was beyond stressful for her. for those long years, she'd managed, but there came a point where she didn't believe she could take it on her own anymore. with no one to turn to, too afraid to trust again, she had wasted her paycheck on alcohol instead of buying more food. that was the first time she'd let her son down, neglecting him, letting him starve. he didn't know, though, so he couldn't blame her. it was impossible to hold anything against her, because she was all he had & the thought that she'd let this happen on purpose went right over his head. it was awful, & the little kid was so, so hungry, that he found himself in the most pain he'd even felt in his short life & he cried harder than he ever had. but that was just the beginning of a very awful string of events.

back to the beginning of that dreadful night. he was just a little kid. he didn't know what alcohol was, & he didn't know what it did to people. the woman who was so caring, so loving, happened to be an angry drunk, & he didn't know why she was so mad all of a sudden, because she'd never been that way before. although he was a relatively logical & confident child, he reasoned that this could only be his fault, because she seemed to be infuriated with him & it would only make sense that he did something to cause it. but, what? vince didn't know. he didn't know, & she screamed at him when he tried to ask what it was. the preschooler had sat down & cried, cried, cried, high-pitched sobs with no end in sight. instead of comforting him, like she usually would have, she stood & scolded him for being such an annoyance. this was the second thing she'd done to hurt him. & this time, his trust was ultimately broken, albeit not to an incorrigible degree - simply because of how dependent on her he was. & why wouldn't he be? she was his mother, after all, & he had no other family. friends, yes; vince was bright & sociable, & every other kid he met liked to play with him for at least a little while. friends couldn't be relied on, though. friends didn't support him, or sing to him, or feed him. perhaps no one would do that for him now.

not old enough to be independent but brave enough to pretend like he was, he had stopped his own tears for the first time in his life & attempted to escape the room. he'd always been so close to his mom, but right now, he was afraid of her & he was even more afraid of upsetting her further. this perceived failure as a son was created at this moment, & it followed him every day for the rest of his life. he made his way towards the bathroom, the only place in their low-rent apartment that had a lock, even though he'd never been allowed to use it himself. she wouldn't let him get out. he tried, but she wouldn't let him, & he didn't stand a chance against her even when she was inebriated. he had never figured out what had pushed her to do exactly what she had, why she hadn't settled with beating him a little or yelling at him some more. perhaps her past had been more complicated than she'd ever revealed to him, & she hadn't led the perfect life that she'd convinced him of before he'd come along. it didn't matter, though. all that mattered was that she did do what she did, not only then, but over & over for the rest of his life.

rough nails had dug into his soft skin, dragged him away from the door. vin was so small, so defenseless. how could she do such a thing to him? how could she let herself go this far? everything was hazy at that point. she took his clothes off, & she took off her own. she'd never let him see her naked before. it felt taboo, & he shook, unsure what she was going to do or why. he had questions & none of them mattered. at six years old, entirely unaware of just what they were doing or why it hurt so much, vinny was rather violently forced to have sex with his own mother. this was her third act, the one that ultimately damaged him foe the rest of his life.

that wasn't where it ended, either. it lasted years. nearly ten years before she stopped, varied abuse lasting the rest of his childhood & through a good portion of his teen years. oh, vince hadn't been happy then, & he really isn't happy now - not after he endured so much, not after he did it all silently. no one should have to do that, yet, he did, & not one person knows about any of it. all this time & no one has ever cared enough to come to his aid, even though his pain is so deep & it should be so evident.

in psychology, mothers are often used as scapegoats to explain the trauma which one must have been through in order to damage them. what else could it have been, though? she was the one who broke his trust, & his heart. she ruined his life, & it isn't fair. it isn't fair that he's still suffering. it isn't fair that he's got nightmares every night.

it's not fair, it's not fair...


End file.
